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Joe Lieberman Visits Bill O'Reilly,
Part I: The Senator Engages in Some Big Time Ass-Kissing

August 3, 2001

Joe "The Pious Prude" Lieberman guaranteed his place in the Ass-Kisser's Hall of Fame with his performance yesterday on Bill O'Reilly's Fox News talk show "The O'Reilly Factor."   As you read these bits of the transcript, keep two things in mind:

First, these written transcript excerpts can't even begin to convey Lieberman's fawning tone.  If these excerpts were dialogue in a screenplay, each of Lieberman's subsequent lines would have the stage directions "(obsequiously)", "(more obsequiously)", and "(even more obsequiously)."

Second, this conversation took place in the face of O'Reilly's usual overbearing, pompous egomania, which Lieberman was so clearly eager to feed.

Now the excerpts:

A harbinger of things to come...

O'REILLY: So, Senator Lieberman, welcome to THE O'REILLY FACTOR. [sarcastically] I'm glad you finally made it here.


Lieberman works in a congratulations to O'Reilly for how well his program is doing in the face of stiff competition:

LIEBERMAN: That's the problem... [W]e say to them, you used to have a code of conduct in movies, television.

You drew the lines on which you would compete so you wouldn't go down into the gutter. Why don't you do it again?

O'REILLY: No, they can't because there's too much competition now. The industries are wide open. There's too much competition to get the eyeballs...

LIEBERMAN: You're doing OK.

O'REILLY: Yeah, we're doing fine.

Lieberman's "shocked, shocked" that he had been invited on the program and didn't know about it:

O'REILLY: And that brings me to my other question. You guys, Gore and you, you'd be sitting in the White House right now... if you'd come on THE FACTOR. Now...


O'REILLY: ... no, you would have, and here's why.


O'REILLY: We had so -- we have a very large audience in Florida. And many of those people are independents or libertarians, a lot of people.

And you guys flat out would not come on this program. We were stunned.

LIEBERMAN: Seriously? Seriously?

O'REILLY: We were stunned.

LIEBERMAN: I've got to tell you the truth. I never knew that I was invited.

He likes Bill, he really, really likes him, and he'll certainly keep coming back:

O'REILLY: Oh, come on. Then fire your whole staff because we kept calling and calling and calling, and the Gore guys not only would they say no, he's not going to come on, they'd say, "We hate you, we hate you," because they thought were rooting for Bush, you know.

LIEBERMAN: Yeah. Well, I like your show and I like you. And, you know, I'll keep coming on, because (INAUDIBLE)...

Again, he's glad he came on the show, in fact so glad, he jokes maybe he should use O'Reilly as a consultant:

O'REILLY: Listen, Hillary Clinton is going to run for president. Did you know that?

LIEBERMAN: No, I hadn't heard that.

O'REILLY: Oh, yeah. She's been sneaking over to Iowa... and she didn't think that we knew. But we do know.

And she's been having her caucus groups like this. And she says she's not going to run, but she's running. Now...

LIEBERMAN: All right, I'm glad I came on the show.

O'REILLY: Would you run against her? Could you see that, can you envision that?

LIEBERMAN: Oh, look, it's early, a lot closer to 2000 than 2004... I'm keeping the doors open.

O'REILLY: Yeah, but she's raising all kinds of money with Hill PAC and she's going out to Iowa, I know it's early, but if you don't get on the stick, she's going to have a big advantage.

LIEBERMAN: All right, maybe we should consult. You can give me some advice on this.

And a parting kiss-up to O'Reilly:

O'REILLY: Hey, good to see you. You're welcome anytime. You tell that Al Gore I'm looking for him too.

LIEBERMAN: All right. We've been trying to figure out why we didn't do better in Florida. And now I know why.

O'REILLY: Now you know. OK, nice to see you, Senator.

O'Reilly is by now grinning ear to ear, even more pleased with himself than usual.

It's understandable that Lieberman would like access to the eyes and ears of O'Reilly's one million viewers, but have you no shame, Joe?  It was embarrassing to watch.

Please, Joe, do your most obsequious ass-kissing in private.

This was a selection from The Daily Diatribe

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