The Best Ones
Most George Bush
jokes that you can find by random searching, however, are not very funny.
A person would often have to read 50 Bush jokes to find a funny one.
So I read probably hundreds of George Bush jokes, and in my opinion, these are the 5 best
George Bush jokes.
George Bush Jokes #1:
While visiting England, George Bush is
invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy
is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.
Bush asks how
she knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by
asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to
Bush watches as
the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please
answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child,
and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
responds, "It's me, ma'am."
Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says,
"Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate
Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the
White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a
question for me."
course, sir. What's on your mind?"
Bush poses the
question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child,
and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Helms hems and
haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"
Bush agrees, and
Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican
senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody
can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin
Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.
here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this
child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
immediately, "It's me, of course."
Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims,
"I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies
in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb sh*t, it's Tony Blair!"
the light of all the criticism that George Bush is an idiot, the Republicans
decide to hold a "George Bush Is Not Stupid" convention. Eighty
thousand Republicans meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium.
George Bush Jokes #2
Trent Lott says, "We are
all here today to prove to the world that George Bush is not stupid. So
ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce President George Bush."
After the cheers die down.
Lott says "Mr. President, we're going to prove to the world once and
for all that you are not stupid. So tell us, what is 15 plus 15?"
Bush, after scrunching up his
face and concentrating real hard for a moment, declares,
Obviously everyone is a
little disappointed. Then the 80,000 Republicans start cheering, "Give
Bush another chance! Give Bush another chance!"
Trent Lott says, "Well
since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place, I
guess we can do that." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds of
chin-rubbing and grimacing, Bush meekly asks "Ninety?"
Trent Lott is quite
perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is
But then Bush starts pouting,
and suddenly the 80,000 Republicans begin to yell and wave their hands,
shouting again "Give Bush another chance! Give Bush another
Lott, unsure whether he's
doing more harm than good, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more
chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
Bush looks down, counts on
his fingers, and after a whole minute, proudly announces "Four."
A moment of total silence,
then an electric charge surges through the stadium as pandemonium breaks
All 80,000 Republicans
jump to their feet.
These GOP partisans start to
wave their arms, stomp their feet and create a deafening roar:
"GIVE BUSH ANOTHER
CHANCE! GIVE BUSH ANOTHER CHANCE!"
George Bush Jokes #3
country doctor is suturing a laceration on the hand of an old farmer.
Old man: "All you need
to know about politics is that young George Bush is a post
Doctor: "Oh? What
is a post turtle?"
Old man: "When yer
driving down a country road, and ya come across a fence post with a turtle
balanced on top? That's a post turtle. Ya know he didn't get there by
himself, he don't belong there, he cain't get anything done while he's up
there, and you just want to help take the poor thang down."
George Bush Jokes #4
Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in
the celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates
more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place
decades apart. The first to present himself to Saint Peter is
Einstein. Saint Peter questions him.
"You look like Einstein,
but you have no idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into
Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few
seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard and chalk
Einstein proceeds to describe
with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity. Saint
Peter is suitably impressed.
"You really are
Einstein! Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is
Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso doesn't
hesitate. "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter
says, "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein's
scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs,
nude women: he captures their essences with but a few strokes of the chalk.
Saint Peter claps.
"Surely you are the
great artist you claim to be! Come on in!"
The last to arrive is George
Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head. "Einstein and Picasso both
managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"
Bush looks bewildered,
"Who are Einstein and Picasso?"
Saint Peter sighs, "Come
on in, George."
George Bush Jokes #5
George Bush and Dick Cheney are talking, when
Bush suddenly complains "I hate all
the dumb George Bush jokes people tell about me."
Cheney, feeling sorry for his
"boss," says "Oh, they're only jokes. There are a lot of
truly stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."
Cheney takes Bush outside and hails a cab.
"Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to
see if I'm home," says Cheney. The
cab driver, without saying a word, drives them to 29 Nickel Street.
Cheney looks at Bush and says, "See!
This guy is really stupid."
George Bush agrees. "He really is
a dummy. There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called
I hope you enjoyed these George Bush jokes!